Stretch and the Pop Culture

It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times

2006-11-29T00:51:00.000-08:00

Britney Spears finally bought a clue with all her fafillion dollars and divorced her walking, redneck, very fertile, leech of a husband. Now she's done gone lost her mind and is partying her (very visible) ass (and clean shaven poon) off with the likes of Paris and Lindsay. Hey, maybe we'd all be going nucking futs too if we were in her shoes...

Oh Kevin - was once the luckiest bastard ... no he's just, well, you know. Come on man, you could have had it MADE!! Platter, trophy, HELLO!! Maybe Shar wants to dance with a pimp again.

But no good deed goes undone; unfortunately America's famed Jilary, comprised of Joel Madden and Hilary Duff, are kaputt. They're claiming the 8 year age difference as the major cause and you know, I'm sure it's true. As much fun as I make of Joel and his band, I am sorry for his loss. Hilary too of course.

Alright Mel, you get him, I got her.

Who else... ah yes, Reese and Ryan. I love Reese, ever since Freeway I've loved her; but like the urinal at RFD reads, 'no matter how hot she is, someone is tired of fucking her'. Unfortch, this might be Ryan's predicament.

And whodathunk? Pam Anderson and Kid Rock, married in four ceremonies are divorcing after four months. I'm glad that since Pam has a vagina and Kid has a penis that they were allowed not one, not two, but FOUR ceremonies.

i still have things to say

2006-10-17T00:46:00.000-07:00

at brashers
Originally uploaded by RockStardom.

i almost became prey after being duped by a decoy but here i am to ramble even more.

brad and angelina should just adopt a whole country of kids. madonna is mad she didn't start this trent. sienna miller doesn't like pittsburgh? the dallas cowboys were a giant (expected) disappointment at the big philly game. why must i love them? jennifer anisto is still rachel to me. britney spears has made her second worst mistake with the birth of young Federline #2. the 300 millionth american is a little spanish boy they say. dammit, i took german in high school. ashlee simpson is now ashlee v2.0 - jessica's even less appealing. pete wentz is a tool.

line break?

katie holmes and victoria beckham, fellow stepford wives. paris hilton and travis barker: the funniest hot minute ever. nicole and keith 4 eva. i could say so much more except really i can't because internet explorer is about to shut down. again. i <3 microsoft.

don't go changin...

2006-07-26T20:49:00.000-07:00

mo'nique hugging
Originally uploaded by RockStardom.

... to try and please me.

so on july 7th, at DC's Constitution Hall, i saw miss Mo'nique. it's hard for me to not call her Queen Mo'nique, as that was how i was first introduced to her. the night was a winner, minus the $16 double-vodka sprite purchased. i mean forreal though, $16? it's not like it was grey goose or van gogh - friggin absolut.

but whatever, you don't need to hear me (read me?) bitch about vodka. i still love it and drink it regardless of price. or consequences.

so lance bass came out. if anyone is surprised, i'll be willing to say you're a motherfucking moron. but hurrah to him for finally doing it. it's courageous and maybe the more that gays are visible, the less they'll be treated as second class citizens. that also probably depends on gw bush though.

tangent - why the FUCK is the bush administration so concerned with homosexuals marrying? is that REALLY the big issue we should worrying about? what about that WAR over THERE where tons of CHILDREN are being killed? a family in Texas just lost BOTH sons recently. and what about oil prices? we can't afford to drive to work, bush, can't pay our bills, but shit you're RIGHT, i really hate gay people and would rather they not marry and me starve to death.

moron.

so, yes, celeb news. it's all the same but different. i'll elaborate later. maybe in 7 weeks?

summer is here

2006-06-15T14:25:00.000-07:00

the set up
Originally uploaded by RockStardom.

long time no bullshitting you folks. lots o change since we last spoke. for better or for worse i shall be finding out soon. in the meantime, impromptu home bbq's have been satisfactory.

my part-time occupation as a dj is faring well, i'm big into eating again, and women, as always... well, just that.

Alicia's Art Opening

2006-04-07T14:18:00.000-07:00

Alicia's Art Opening
Originally uploaded by RockStardom.

It's that time folks. Alicia's at it with an art opening. Her first of the year! As the flyer says, the opening night is April 14th at Sparky's Cafe in DC (14th and R St NW).

And yes, these pieces ARE for sale, so come with cash or a checkbook.

warmer weather nears

2006-03-29T08:41:00.000-08:00

me and friends
Originally uploaded by RockStardom.

it's starting to get warmer outside - about fucking time. and what a better time to start getting your shit together, eh? it's usually the time that most people lose their minds but hey, i've never done much the same way everyone else does.

in the meantime, i'm going to bask in the glory of being friends with such wonderfully attractive people.

Do What?

2006-03-16T08:51:00.000-08:00

2 of the greatest people you'll ever know
Originally uploaded by RockStardom.

i do not have the means to stay in the loop anymore. the celebrity rhetoric cannot be kept up by me. i do not watch tv, i do not peruse the internet often enough, and i certainly don't read - so no more smart ass comments from me about the stars. there are plenty of sources out there anyway (idontlikeyouinthatway.com).

this is still Stretch and the Pop Culture by all means though - because i AM pop culture. stay tuned for random updates. in the meantime, never mind my horrible complexion but do adore the picture of the 2 greatest people you'll ever know.

the newly weds no more

2005-12-16T19:57:00.000-08:00

the newly weds no more
Originally uploaded by RockStardom.

yes, it's been 9,713 days since i last posted but sucks for you that i have a life. but about nick and jessica's divorce announcement (which yes i know was like 3 weeks ago) let me just say: i am jack's utter lack of surprise. come on people - the money is FLYING in las vegas on this one.

also, let's hope that britney spears wakes the FUCK up and divorces the SHIT out of kevin soon. she took away his ferrari like a smart girl and i can't wait for more.

also, aeon flux sucked. sorry charlize, maybe you should stick to the ugly roles.

kim and eminem to remarry? do it for the kids, ya. and still to this day, moby will not get off the man's dick and frankly i'm tired of it. i'm sorry your pussy hurts, moby.

former fatty DJ AM broke up with his anorexic fiancee nicole richie. who cares... but apparently paris does, who offerend sympathy to her estranged friend. great, now can we get the simple life back on track?

until next time folks...

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise want people to kill themselves

2005-10-07T17:28:00.000-07:00

ew
Originally uploaded by RockStardom.

i have nothing more to say right now other that WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

i'm sure that at least 1,367 people flung themselves from a bridge upon hearing news of katie holmes being pregnant with tom cruises baby. surely it is the first sign of the apocolypse.

i called a female friend of mine and gave her the news and all i heard next was the sound of the phone dropping and that of maybe her head bashing on a wall. or maybe she was trying to bounce a cantelope - i don't know.

the end is near.

Back to the Land of Milk and Honey

2005-09-19T14:31:00.000-07:00

dumbasses
Originally uploaded by RockStardom.

yes folks, i've been too cool for you. you know, having a life. translation: been hanging out with vodka a lot more lately.

so everyone in my life understands and is aware of my complete disdain for good charlotte. cannot stand them. and the more i see their dumb faces in the news lately, the crazier i get. they make the SAME fucking face in every picture taken. example seen here. do it - google them. joel or benji madden. same stupid douche licking face every time!

what's been going on? NOLA is still recovering from Katrina. every little bit helps. and in celebrity land, the biggest news thus far might be the birth of Britney's baby. as of yet, no one's sure of the name but it's somewhere along the line of Sean Preston London Michael Spears Federline. the child is doomed.

onward: renee and kenny are kaputt - like we didn't have money on that. katie hol- i mean, kate cruise is still brainwashed. elijah wood has become the creepiest celebrity in hollywood as of late. lil kim's en route to cell block 8. team aniston appeared on oprah. coutrney love's old habits die hard. the emmy's were last night, and while the ceremony was dumb ellen killed. brad pitt may get naked as jesse james. kate moss does coke? surely, you jest. and sienna miller is a fucking moron.

and right now, my nose is running a marathon so i bid you adieu (something cured by more vodka i'm sure).

New Orleans Drowned

2005-09-07T09:38:00.000-07:00

new orleans drowned
Originally uploaded by RockStardom.

george bush doesn't care about black people. thank you kanye west. that one will go down in history. that's the only pop reference we're getting today, kids.

the devastation of hurricane katrina is still kicking our asses, and will continue to for a very lengthy amount of time. anything that anyone can do will be greatly appreciated. i am proud to say that my hairstylist, melanie smith is doing her part. she is part owner of a dc hair salon, urban style lab (http://www.lab-dc.com/), that on sunday the 18th is having a "cut-a-thon". first come first serve basis, all proceeds go to the red cross. and at $45 for guys, and $75 for girls - i think they can make a hefty amount.

Oh NOLA

2005-09-01T19:26:00.000-07:00

so, it seems thanks to hurricane Katrina, New Orleans is fucked. it's horrible really; thousands of people lost their homes. donating money, blood, time, would really help the effort along. Stay Strong New Orleans.

also, hilary duff looks weird. first of all, she weighs 63 lbs now. and looks like... an alien?

brad and anglina and the kids are happily becoming more of a family every day, paris hilton swears she's a pop artist, britney spears is still insane, yadda yadda.

i'd post more but tomorrow's my birthday and i'm much more interested in getting started on the celebrations.

Quick-like

2005-08-29T16:50:00.000-07:00

kelly clarkson - wet
Originally uploaded by RockStardom.

quick one today folks. so destiny's child is breaking up. garbage cancelled the rest of their tour. the VMA's were last night. and natalie portman has a mohawk. i'm late on this one i know. but i just kept thinking it would grow on me but it hasn't. she looks more like a dinosaur than anything.

and about the VMA's. didn't watch them, though i saw a tidbit from across the diner (adams morgan what) last night of kelly clarkson's drenched show ender. and then i came in my pants. i would have loved to have seen that in-person. and been thwacked by her sopping wet mane as she swung her head around like a ferris wheel on hyper drive.

but as much of an amazing performance that would have been for me, it does not in anyway, redeem the VMA's for me. the VMA's have become rather lackluster in the past few years, on top of the fact that i think a lot of the bands they honor are shit (read: this years show toppers green day).

i'm sorry. it's true. i do not like green day. i do not understand why people continue to buy their music. all their music sounds like the same 3 songs.

but back to kelly clarkson being wet. i'll stop there.

The Boys of Summer

2005-08-25T11:33:00.000-07:00

ok, so remember how much pussy jack osbourne got even though he was a fat ugly child just because he's jack osbourne? well, imagine the pussy to come (no pun intended) now that he woke up one day and became hot. sometime after his rehab stint, he decided to sign up for rock climbing or tai chai kee kung fu los kick-kick fighting or something and on top of 2 weeks worth of daily colonics (or something) he worked out rigorously. apparently he's given up on booze, drugs, and cigarettes. here he is folks.

man - what a kick in the face. now i just feel even more useless and fat.

moving on - let me briefly talk about one thing i am interested to see come out of Brangelina. yep - i'm talking about it. i vehemetly denied it was true for months; brad is a golden child to me, how could he do me wrong? i denied it when the pictures of them in english countryside were all over the news. i denied it until brad called me up and said, "listen friend, i'm banging the hottest female on earth, could you at least be happy for me?" so here i am, admitting what's right in front of all of our faces (sorry jennifer - go team aniston!). anyway, about the Brangelina thing; let's talk about brad's significant ex's:

juliette lewis
gwyneth paltrow
jennifer aniston

what do these women have in common, besides bedding brad pitt? well - they've all been featured in melissa etheridge videos, my friends. not sure what kind of swapping goes on between brad and melissa, but at the very least, his ladies do videos [snicker]. juliette's schizophrenic portrayl in "come to my window", gwyneth's hysterical and hreatbroken portrayal in "i want to come over" and jennifer's coy, girl-chatty-up gig in "i want to be in love". so clearly, next up in a melissa video is angelina.

my advice - tammy lynn, be present at all times. i love angelina just as much as the rest, if not more, but i would not trust that woman around my significant other. not only because i know my SO would jump angelina's bones without hesitation, but i don't think angelina would resist.

Finding Out True Love is Blind

2005-08-24T12:38:00.000-07:00

well folks, it's almost noon EST here in the suburbs of DC and i can't stand to be at work any longer. it's probably because the woman i am "teamed" up with is an outright moron who doesn't stop bitching. about anything. ever. could be her knee. could be someone asked her to help them. could be her daughter is freaked out about giving her second child formula and she's never done it before. her laughing makes my ears bleed. or maybe that's from me jabbing pencils down my ear canals. either way folks, i'm bleeding all over my $78 Banana Republic Stretch Poplin olive button-up.

but i digress.

i'm still contemplating the point of this blog. commentary on my life (as seen above), and about all things celebrity as seen here: 'Natasha Lyonne is dying, and her Father is suing'.

poor gal. hopefully she'll pull through and we'll have an excellent E! True Hollywood Story about her in the following months.

speaking of E! True Hollywood Story -- what a shame it is that we've never seen one on any visual artists. not even warhol. after perusing the list of all of the people with their very own E! documentaries, it appears you had to be rich and famous, which knocks out about 75% of visual artists ever.

well, here's hoping that many years down the road, up and coming DC artist Alicia K. Cosnahan has her very own E! True Hollywood Story. DC has a tendency to be passed off and merely described as a "political hotbed", but the amount of creativity coming from this city is impressive.

so, maybe a spiel about art every once in awhile? check out Alicia's site 'here'.

and no, i haven't bothered to really listen to that Louis XIV album.

Today Marks the First

2005-08-23T20:10:00.000-07:00

i once pretended i would grow up to be some grand and famous author. my teachers even told me so back when i was a wee one in 7th grade. now many years down the road (and i mean many... but not too many), here i am with a J-O-B job, hating it, and daydreaming of fine-tuning my literary skills with a "public forum/social commentary" (edit, 'pop culture' commentary - i realized 'social' meant politics, too) outlet; after 4 years of LJing it i schwampeed this site idea from a source that i've already schwampeed enough from - and here i am. man do i love semi-colons.

i don't imagine this catching on quickly, or even at all, but i'll write my litte heart out, like i'm writing to all the pop whores who are just as obsessed as i am.

the first matter of order is my new staple in life:
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

i could go on about it, or you could click on the link.

click on the link.

and before i head on home to the District of Columbia - one thing i'm going to ponder on my 25 mile trek is - when did baby spice get hot?